I have been violated so many times. It’s just a fact of life for me. One of my first experiences was in the seventh grade. It seemed like overnight I had developed “D’s” and a slight bit of scoliosis as well. The boys obviously enjoyed looking and for some that wasn’t enough. They took to “accidentally” hitting into me, pushing my chest with their finger to see how squishy they were and some were so bold to come up from behind and “cup” me. After the novelty wore off, my constant protesting, and more eager girls developed, their attention drifted to those that got pleasure from their “affection”.
Fast forward five or six years and college guys either at frat parties or at bars would come up to me and do the same while asking “Are they real?” I once was so drunk, I responded by grabbing one guy’s crotch and asked him, “Are these real? Ooooh (in a pitiful way) sorry, I guess they are.” He was mortified.
Now, I am married. I had developed the notion that most men are scum. I couldn’t walk down a street without hearing cat calls, nor could I run without someone, male or female, caution me about getting black eyes. That one took me awhile to figure out.
Back to me being married; my husband (boyfriend at the time) never said anything derogatory to me nor had he touched me inappropriately. He treated me like a princess and I fell in love. Wow. A true gentleman. I even had to make the first move. Little by little though, I found out he was not perfect. For one, he was/is jealous. Whereas my previous boyfriends all suggested I wear an outfit from Victoria Secret’s or the like, he would suggest a potato sack! He’d constantly warn me that he knew what guys thought. I would remind him I was a big girl.
It’s 2006; I am married almost 14 years and after all this time, I am just finding out I have been raped numerous times by none other than my perfect gentleman, my husband! According to Morgan, in her article Theory and Practice: Pornography and Rape, anytime I am less than eager and comply with my husband I am being raped.
All the times, after taking my children to their numerous activities throughout the day and the one thing I am desiring most is to sleep, and my husband reaches for me and I oblige, I am being raped.
When I tell him, “not tonight, my head hurts” and he cites some lame story that sex actually cures a headache and gives me his puppy dog eyes and I give in, I am being raped.
When I know I should be working on something to meet a deadline and he suggests something less stressful, and he persuades me by touching or kissing me and I succumb, I am being raped.
If my poor husband waited for me to initiate sex, the man would be waiting forever. (All the men now – I hear you feeling for him!) I may not be in the mood most of the time: I suffer from migraines; I injured my back kick-boxing and now have 2 herniated disc that act up from time to time, I am constantly exhausted from my daily routine, I could go on, but I will spare any more details. My point is that for 14 years, I have been raped? Unfortunately I know what it is like to be violated, but to go to the extent and say I am being raped on a daily basis is an insult to those who suffered from violent sexual abuse. Sometimes I am persuaded, or romanced, or guilted but in the end I am satisfied; I however, am not raped.