Last week, my husband came home from work and saw me vacuuming the living room. He was thrilled on so many levels. First, the house has been a disaster for so long; it was nice to see it was getting spruced up. Then there was the fact that I was wearing nothing except black stiletto heels while I was working, pushing the vacuum with one hand and holding a feather duster in the other. For years, my husband begged me to do the housecleaning in the buff and finally I appeased him.
Well actually no, I didn’t. The above paragraph is a complete fabrication, one of my husband’s fantasies. It will never happen, well never as long as there are windows in my house, children in and out, and the idea that dust and dirt can get in crevices they should just not go. The point I am trying to make is that my husband watches, in my opinion, far too much porn. He is mixing up reality and fantasy. Perhaps he isn’t mixing up the two as much as hoping for a bridge that connects them. Naturally, my husband is not a teenager. He is in his thirties, but he still looks at porn as a learning lesson. This aggravates me since, I happen to be a good teacher! He is just a poor student! But don’t tell him that. Don’t get me wrong, without opening my bedroom door, I will explain in so many words what I mean. My husband has the misconception that all women like what porn stars appear to enjoy.
How did he come upon this? Well, it is porn as sex education. Cultivation hypothesis is the belief that what he sees is real; that these women actually enjoy what they are doing. Perhaps some do. However, like Dr. Halavais mentioned, in porn movies, you never see some actress saying, “ohh no, I don’t think you should do that”, or “what the hell do you think you are doing?” Therefore, anything goes in porn, so why shouldn’t anything go in real life? Then there is the social learning aspect of pornography whereby the viewer will try to emulate what s/he sees. Now I cannot say my husband searches for porn for explicit information as a how to guide, but I do think his perception is a bit skewed. But I also think he is not alone. I think all men have their little hopes that their lives will emulate the porn they watch. Perhaps some seek to make that happen, and some strive harder than others. I just have to keep working at my husband and reel him back into reality. It’s just not going to happen. I am no prude, but I do have my limits. He’ll keep trying to push them and I will keep reminding him by gently telling him “no, I don’t think you should do that.”
My husband grew up without the internet. He got his porn from his friend. His friend got it from his father’s collection. He continued to watch porn and enjoyed magazines and other pornographic material. As an adult, and owner of a computer, he continues to get porn from his friends. They email movie clips and links to view porn. They send pictures embedded in the email. He swaps movies with friends. Is he addicted? I am not sure. Other than the fact that he tries to imitate the films he watches and asks me to go along, I do not think he has a problem. He respects me as a partner and does not see me as a trophy.
My fear is for my son, however. He is growing up with the internet. I am teaching him about sex education. He gets his Health lessons at school, and I continue at home. I don’t want him learning from an outside source. I want him to have a healthy attitude towards sex and relationships. I am always emphasizing that NO means NO. My husband on the other hand, may just hand him a video and say, “Here, it worked for me.” And that would be the worst lesson of all. So for all the posts that say parental involvement is key to a good education. My answer is YES and NO. It all depends on where the parent is getting their material.