I Yelled At My Nephew Today and I Feel Terrible!

I was on the phone today with my mother.

We live 70 miles away from each other (because I CHOSE to move out of the city) and we don’t get to see each other often.  I used to make the trip once a week – sometimes even more-so.  However, since my children started school and participating in every sport under the sun, it has become more difficult to visit. 

We try to talk on the phone – but she is impossible to have a phone conversation with.  WHY???

Well, for starters she interrupts herself constantly – HERSELF! not even me!  She will talk to other people in the room or talk to herself.  STOP LAUGHING – it is true! It is also frustrating – so today since I am PMS-ing it irritated the s*#t out of me! Usually, it does not! I am usually very mild mannered when it comes to this.  NOT TODAY!

To add to this problem, my sister is living at my parent’s home with her husband and her three children while they are doing renovations to their own house – GOOD NEWS – they are almost done and ready to move back in. Bad news – my mother has no patience – had none when we were growing up and definitely has none as a grandmother (she is not your typical – “let’s spoil the children” – “anything they want” – grandmother; which this in itself is both good and bad.  Good that they respect you as a parent and abide by the rules – you say no soda – by golly those children are not getting a sip of soda! I like that – but then on the flip side she acts too much like a second mother – they already have one, they need a little wink here and a wink there and something passed to  them with a “don’t tell your mom” maybe once in a while!

But seriously, I bring myself to the fact that the twins wanted to go outside.  MY father’s yard is more like a museum than an area where children can roam around free.  Therefore, my mother is a bit uptight about them going outside!  FRESH AIR – it is this unique thing that is free – not many children use it these days since the dawn of central air and video games.  If the children want to go out – I say open the doors and don’t let it slam them on the behinds on the way out!  But it became an ordeal!  The twins were begging – yes begging – my mother to take them out so they can color! Color! You know with crayons and paper!  They weren’t going to play ball or ruin the yard – well they may miss the paper and write on the table! Did I mention they are 6! One is a girl the other a boy!

OK – so while I am on the phone, my nephew is answering my mother by yelling everything.  Short tempered as I already was, I got annoyed with him and asked to speak to him. 

“Heeelllooo”, a sweet voice answers.

“Why are you yelling at grandma.” is the stern voice he hears back.

“Because she never listens to what I say.” strikes a chord with me but I am too furious to realize it.

“Well, too bad. I don’t like to hear you yell at grandma – she is older than you and you need to give her more respect than that. Do you hear me?” I pause. “Did you hear me? Are you there? OK so now since I told you not to yell, you won’t even talk – put grandma back on the phone.”

“Here, grandma.” back to a sweet voice.

I was so mad.  All during my conversation with my mother I heard her telling them, “one more minute”, “grandma just needs to take the clothes out of the dryer”, “just wait until grandma folds the laundry!”, “go outside, I will be there in a minute”, etc.  You get the point!

After a few more things were said and I got annoyed with comments my mother made to me (sorry I get a little defensive when we discuss arrangements for visiting one another – oops sorry for me to visit her.) I told her to hang up and spend time with the kids. Enough was enough torturing them. Stop talking to me and we will talk at a later time. Those poor kids were STARVING for attention and what do I do – I yell at my nephew instead of making him feel better.  Shame on me.

I will now call him and apologize – Aunt Elaine is the fun aunt, the happy-go-lucky aunt who invites them every year to spend a week and have fun together.  I am the aunt that acts like a grandma *wink*wink*.  But I never give them anything that mom or dad disagree with – but I spoil them with love and attention.  I never tell them to go away or later.  But today – I failed and I feel bad.

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13 Responses to “I Yelled At My Nephew Today and I Feel Terrible!”

  1. ~Kat #8 Says:

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. He’s a little pain in the ass….LMAO!!!! Just kidding…I’m glad they are finally getting ready to move back into their own house. I know your sister would play with them out in the backyard whenever the weather permitted. So it must be hard for them to have to get permission to just color outside! Anyway, he shouldn’t have been yelling at your mother while she was on the phone anyway. But, he is 6 and he needed some attention from Grandma. You weren’t too hard on him and I’m sure he didn’t think anything of it. He probably won’t even know what you’re apologizing for!
    BTW- would it kill you to visit your cousin next time you come to see your dear old mother! The one who has been supporting your blog for the past 2 months! We have a pool you know! 😉 (How’s that for guilt)

  2. way2much Says:

    I heard the gang will be there on Sunday – but I did not get an invite! LOL

    Jr. is weight training with the football team and now lacrosse wants to meet once a week for practices too – hello can anyone say Spring sport?? Anyway, he is busy all week long, leaving just weekends free for me – but I may just take a day out during the week that he will have to miss – sorry coachyboy!

    ahhh a pool – what is that?? I am melting here! I promise, as soon as I make it out to good ole S.I. I will be there at your house to visit my only true supporter! I appreciate it!

  3. Morgan of the Lake Says:

    I agree that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
    It can be annoying, and you probably did him a favor telling him what the adults in the room should have told him in the first place.
    It’s just a fact that your kids can be playing quietly, but as soon as you get on the phone they’ll start acting out. Today I was in the middle of a business call when my four-year-old came up crying because he’d put a pair of shorts on his head and couldn’t get them off. Instead of helping, his eight-year-old sister was laughing at him, which only made it worse.
    I promptly ended the call, got the shorts off of Lucas’ head and informed my daughter, through gritted teeth, that these were the times when teasing her brother does not help at all.
    Yes, I’m PMS’ing, too. I feel your pain. 😉

  4. way2much Says:

    Morgan,
    My teeth seem to be gritted constantly – seriously – I noticed this about a few days ago! I am giving myself a headache.
    PMS – it does wonders for a woman.
    And yet as I read your comment I laugh because I am visualizing Lucas turning in circles trying to get the shorts off his head while seeing your daughter point and laugh! If you are like me, you may have had the phone to your ear and with the other hand wave at them frantically trying to get them to stop or leave the room! Yes, the phone and children are like magnets to one another. They can be playing or working somewhere else but the minute you pick that phone up they are by your side making some sort of fuss. I am past that point to some extent since my kids are 11 and 14, but they are still “tuned in”. They don’t follow and nag or try to get my attention. They just follow and try to eavesdrop!

    Thanks for making my day – misery loves company! JUST KIDDING

    – nice to hear from you!

  5. Morgan of the Lake Says:

    “If you are like me, you may have had the phone to your ear and with the other hand wave at them frantically trying to get them to stop or leave the room!”

    Oh, believe me. I’ve tried that. It didn’t work. They both looked at me like they didn’t know what I meant, feigning wide-eyed innocence. Brats. God bless ’em.
    😉
    Maybe this is just karmic payback. I remember my mother being on the phone, and acting up in the same shameful manner. She’d start with the hand waving, but when she balled up her fist and started punching the air we knew we’d gone too far.
    My favorite hiding place was behind the couch.
    I’m a lot more restrained, but some days…Lord give me strength…

  6. way2much Says:

    I’ve gone into “psychotic mode” but only once with my kids. For the most part, as much as I may be going crazy on the inside, I can hold my temper around them. And YES – the Lord has given me strength on many days to hold back. For the most part, I am lucky though, my kids are pretty good. I look around and compare and Thank God that I have the children I have and no one else’s! Sounds terrible doesn’t it! But I may be just a bit biased! LOL

  7. The Son Says:

    Hmm — I too am a child of this grandma and while I can appreciate both sides, I am a son and will always side with his mother. I think this Grandma is burnt out. She is the grandmother of 7, has an elderly aunt that she needs to look after and works part time. I think we all remember the grandma of yester-year who stayed home all day and sowed and had no other responsibilities in the world. That Grandma got to be a true grandma and bake cookies,etc. Unfortunately today with Moms and Dads both having to work etc., we tend to rely on grandma to become a second Mom. In turn they find it hard to wear two different hats so the Mom comes out rather than the Grandma. I am the youngest child of 3 and I never rememeber my grandma watching me. My Mom and Dad waited until my sisters were old enough to watch me before they ever went out or relied on their own siblings to watch us. Today we are alittle more spoiled and grandma and grandpa have become built in sitters. I think as parents we now have to decide whether we want our children to have a second set of parents or to have grandparents. I am torn myself to be honest. I can say that it is hard raising children at 32 and having patients 24/7 I can’t imagine doing it at 60. I am also fortunate in that I live 2 minutes away from both of my children’s sets of grandparents so they get to spend quality time with us as their children and with my children as grandparents. I think if we were to live further away or did not get to see eachother as often, it would be harder because they would want to get to catch up with their own children and spend quality time etc. Therefore, they would tend to let the granchildren play on their own. That is why I like to have my parents baby-sit every once in awhile for an hour or two. This way they have qaulity time with their granchildren and are helping my wife and I out at the same time without being too overwhelmed. It definitely works out because there is a happy medium. I am fortunate that my wife is a stay at home Mom and I live 2 minutes away from my parents so my children are truly appreciating my parents as grandparents. I hope my children just realize how lucky they are to have 4 wonderful grandparents because a day doesn’t go by that I wish I had more time to spend with all 4 of mine.

  8. way2much Says:

    The Son,
    That was beautifully said – mamma’s boy!

    Seriously though, grandparents also have to work longer as the retirement age has increased therefore people are working later in their life instead of enjoying “golden years”.

    That is the one thing I hate about living so far away…not enough quality time.
    I get envious when I am on the phone and I hear the family talking in the background – who stopped in for coffee or to just say hello. Sometimes, there is a Scrabble game going on. And I wish I was there. But then again, while on the phone I get frustrated because I am not given 100% attention! (I can be a baby like that)

    I am not bad-mouthing my parents as grandparents when I say that they did not take advantage of our visits. I was nick-named the Prodigal Daughter because it seemed to my dear siblings that everything dropped for my visits. I never expected that nor wanted that to happen. Naturally, I wanted to see everyone but never intended for plans to be rearranged in any way. But at my visits, laundry was still being done, and other daily activities. And when it was time to go, comments like – “I didn’t even spend time with my grandkids” erupted. I begged you to stop doing what you were doing and just sit with them. But I didn’t want to “demand” too much.
    As for visits to my home – well before purchasing “my home” we all knew visits were difficult. It was awkward. But now that I have a home, of my own, it is still one reason or another why visiting is limited. They are missing out on great times in the kids lives.

    I miss the yesterdays of Sundays at grandma’s. We created our own problems with enrolling our children in – wait for it – way2much! But I definitely am happy that they are involved and not bored out of their minds. I am also saddened that my children did not grow up with cousins. We had 14 surrounding us at every occasion and it was pure joy! Your girls are lucky, but they still don’t have the abundance of playmates we had while growing up. I think that is why our parents relied on their siblings more than their parents. Once you had your own kids, adding more to the mix actually helped, not hindered! Their children were entertained by their cousins, except for possibly a little squabble here or there. But for the most part, it was mainly good times!

    So to sum up, grandparents these days are used as a second set of parents – although I never used my children’s grandparents in that way. We just never did anything alone! Back to a comment The Son made, he does not remember Mary, the neighbor or grandma Mooch watching us. But they did – you were too young to remember I guess. And yes, I would give anything to misunderstand grandma as to what glasses she was referring to (the fact that we were watching TV should have given me the clue!) or for another round of Basada or to walk on Sito’s back and hear her burp or AzaMazza. I hope my kids have pleasant memories, I keep comparing them to mine and I feel bad for my kids – but perhaps they do have cherished memories of their own that they are forming. I hope so.

  9. The Son Says:

    I do realize there was the rare occassion that a Grandma baby-sat for us, but again I was probably already sleeping before she got there. As for Mary the neighbor –I have no recollection of her either. I also think part of the difference was our fathers back in the day worked 3 jobs so our Moms did not have to work, etc. Our Moms lugged us in the wagon of the supermarket and did the grocery shopping with us, or we trapsed around to dancing school with our older sisters even though it had no interest to us. Today we (our generation)would no sooner call our Mom and Dad and say can you just watch the kids for a bit while I run a few errands. I too am guilty of taking too much for granted. My hope is that my appreciation is shown and my family understands how important they are to me. I am fortunate to be extremely close to my sisters and parents and I know how much I mean to them. I just hope I show them on a daily basis how much they mean to me. Having a family of your own to tend to and them being you main priority, you can often find yourself questioning the attention you give to others that mean a great deal to you as well. As for missing out on things — my grandparents never came to one of my sporting events or concerts or anything along those lines (unless they did and I do not recall because those were not the important things to me personally) and I still have fond memories of almost all of them — more because of the times I sat with them and just conversed about what was going on in my life. So Way2much I would not worry about your children having fond memories of your parents. They cherish the moments they spend with their grandparents just in a quiet way much like their own mother did.

  10. way2much Says:

     Son, 🙂
    You are right – thanks!
    And yes, your sisters and parents KNOW that you cherish them and this one particular sis hopes you know it is mutual!
    You hit the nail on the head when you stated: “Having a family of your own to tend to and them being you main priority, you can often find yourself questioning the attention you give to others that mean a great deal to you as well.”
    I feel guilty that I am not doing enough for all around me. But I must realize that I am doing what I can humanly possibly do. And so are you! Times are different but the love of family are still the same!

  11. The Son Says:

    You are the best. You are a good person who always does go that extra mile. Don’t ever forget that. Okay enough sappyness — your still stupid. LOL. Just don’t ever chase me around with a knife again.

  12. way2much Says:

    “Just don’t ever chase me around with a knife again”
    You had to bring that up? 😦

    What the hell was I thinking! Water under the bridge!

  13. Gabby Female Says:

    Are you insane??? Your nephew was rude to interrupt someone talking on the phone. Do not apologize to him.


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