And for the very first time ever I’d like to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. —-!

OK – so I think the priest does that officially at the Church but the DJ says that as well after they introduce the wedding party and what a wedding party it was!

Not all members were at the reception (as they were young children), and I cannot name all or even tell you how many, but I can say one came all the way from Hawaii to stand up for the bride! Emma and Veronica looked beautiful – the color of the dress complimented them! I believe we can consider the color to be cantaloupe? pinkish something or other!

The bride-groom (sounds like he doesn’t know which to be!) had his two brothers stand up for him as best men. That was nice!

My parents were asked to bring up the gifts, but my mom got one extra special job!

But first, after the cocktail hour or so was up, the lights flickered to inform us to proceed to the next room. I grabbed that green martini that Kat gave up and headed to the main room.  I knew I was at Table #6 – hey Mike got the table named after him!  Us cousins were all together, except for the siblings of the groom.

WOW.

The room was beautiful, but I have one complaint – well two.  The dance floor was too small – who knew all those people would dance! And it was HOT! Perhaps others weren’t so hot, but I was drinking and dancing!

Our table was right by the dance floor! We all got situated. I got to sit next to my husband naturally(!) and Kat! 😛 – Lucky Kat!

The DJ  begins to make the introductions. HAH – Janine (my sister-in-law) and I are in the ladies room. How are we going to sneak in now? But we manage.  They already introduced my aunt and uncle and may I say my aunt looked absolutely stunning! They introduced the bride’s parents as well and were on to the wedding party. After all the introductions, they paused and directed our attention to the big screens on the wall as they started to play a slideshow of pictures of Jenn and Rob through the years.

Jenn, in my opinion changed a lot! So did Rob, he went from a slight little boy into a nice broad guy! Jenn, was adorable as a little girl, and is stunning as an adult. They look great then and now, but different! OK so back to the slideshow… My family can ooh and aahh over pictures of Jenn but they did not bring back memories as we have no idea what went on in her life other than the past 8 years. But when the pictures of Rob started – it all came back to us. We all laughed out loud and really appreciated the trip down memory lane.

Who remembers “Schtop begging Antonny!”

Then there was a picture of Kat and Rob – they were like twins, same age and they were inseparable getting into all sorts of trouble.  I saw Kat’s hair in pigtails and the memory of her not ever allowing me to play beautician came flooding back to me! And the clincher picture was of Rob as a teen, sleeping on the couch. It seems Rob is always sleeping on a couch at some point of every gathering!

After the show, they called up Aunt Joyce to say the blessings. I think they all think my mom is some sort of holy roller! Ok, she is nervous in front of crowds, she doesn’t know how to work it like Ant, my dad or even hey I will add myself into this mix! So she starts off low, we all tell her we can’t hear you – my heart breaks for her, because I know her heart is beating a million beats a minute. She finishes grace. And then they call the two best men up for their toast.

OMG!

They have top hats – white – and cigars! They are doing a skit.  I have no idea what they say! But it is hilarious. I never realized it took Emma and Gene 13 years to tie the knot. I knew it was long, but geez! I also had no idea it took Tom and Ver 10! So Rob and Jenn did OK with only 8. Ant joked that dial a bride promised delivery within the half hour – so he has them all beat!

I am trying hard to remember the last line because it was touching. It was something about eating, drinking and ahhhh I need help here. It was beautiful, so for all the laughs, it was also very moving as well. I love those guys!

The waitresses and waiters are coming over to take our orders – guess who our waitress is?! Yes – the cherry bimbo floozie. I drank so much, I really didn’t care until my husband was missing for quite some time! Thanks Mike (#6) for pointing that out to me!

Anyway, the entrees were prime rib (not filet mignon as I told the waitress I ordered!), some kind of chicken and salmon. Both hubby and I take the prime rib – he said if he knew I was getting that he would have ordered the salmon – a la taste each other’s meal type thing.  I offer to switch, but told him I thought he would have ordered the salmon anyway, and he says Nahh!

Kat and I admire how long the cucumber is that is wrapped around some greenery and other salad type incredients. I say something completely inappropriate and see my brother and sister’s faces and I realize “oh did I say that out loud!” Mike cracks up laughing and Erick just rolls his eyes! That’s me!

Kat is the first to realize (I think) that everyone can see her cleavage! She directs our attention to the ceiling. There is an enormous chandelier (don’t want to be responsible cleaning that bad boy) which is surrounded by a circular mirror – yes mirror.  I am wearing a high dress, so no cleavage is showing from me, but may I say there were plenty of cleavage to be seen – that is if you want to keep your head crocked up toward the ceiling the whole night! We have a nice laugh about that.

Immediately the DJ plays “We are family” to which Kat explains “it’s too soon!” I agree as I slurp down another martini! Kat is glad she had penne ala vodka during cocktail hour as there is no macaroni course, we had the salad and some sherbet with mint to cleanse our palates – it was good. Then our main course was served. Aunt Lena came by and gave most of us compliments for finishing our food and especially if we had our veggies! 🙂

Then we all danced – and danced. Can you believe I didn’t do the Electric Slide or the Cha-Cha slide. At least they didn’t play the Macarena! But I got up and danced a whole bunch.  Erick didn’t want to dance. I guess he figured one of us making a fool of ourselves was enough.  They only played 4 or 5 slow songs. I was in the ladies room for the men’s choice – so who is to say if he would have asked. But I asked him for the ladies’ choice and he just made a face, but he got up! And I didn’t step on his toes this time!   oops no I didn’t – I asked my dad for that dance! And he said YES! I didn’t step on his feet either.  I danced 2 slow songs with Erick – but it wasn’t the ladies’ choice – I’m a dummy!

We played a game where we had to pass the napkin around to everyone at the table until the music stopped. My brother got stuck with it! So did Aunt Lena (anyone say fixed?). My bro wasn’t too happy but Aunt Lena coaxed him into going on the dance floor anyway. They were table captains and their job was to get everyone on the dance floor for the Conga Line! Naturally, we all had to be obstinate and refuse! He was a good sport, but I got on line anyway!

Then it got ugly.

They played the Tarantella.  What a disaster. The DJ did not coach anyone. And we clearly had non-Italian attendees at this wedding.  I decided to spin my mother around anyway. Then we tried to force the crowd to do it correctly. By the time it got going, the song was over. AND THEY DIDN’T PLAY IT AGAIN! Oh and Ant #1 stepped on someone’s bracelet and brought it to someone else, but it ended up being Aunt Lena’s – she realized she was missing it about an hour later!  Then they played some other songs, but everyone started to sit down. So they decided to put on some 80’s hits! I danced in my seat.

Where did Tracy go?

I don’t think she was at the table much?

Then they introduced the fire show! OOH AAH.

Where is Erick?

Mike says: Where’s the waitress? (evil man)

I say that is it and storm out of the hall – to look for him! (NOTE: I did not think he was with the waitress, I knew he was with my brother-in-law – good God I don’t want to think what they could have been doing! – seriously I thought he would be interested in this presentation.) I could not find him. I go back in the room.  They have a fondue fountain! Goodness gracious!

The two missing men come back – Erick chows down on the 2 chocolate covered strawberries I got for him – as the crowd was out of control over these dessert tables! The desserts were amazing but I was just too stuffed from the cocktail hour and my prime rib! But it seemed as soon as they brought the dessert out, the tables were carted out just as quickly!

At one point Ant #1 takes hold of the mike and sings a song to Rob and Jenn. He sings along with Frank Sinatra – I love ya Ant, but don’t quit your day job. JK – But boy did he hit it with the second song. It was great – not sure the name of it, but he was strumming something and making gestures and Rob’s face was hysterical.  He certainly was enjoying the show, and so did everyone else! It was the best Ant has been. ENCORE! ENCORE!

The person’s birthday closest to the date gets to go home with the centerpiece. That would have been Ant – no one else wants to take it home. So I do! It looks nice in my living room! Thanks guys! 😛

The evening was very enjoyable! I must say that is the first time I truly enjoyed a wedding in a very long time. The martinis may have helped but the company was just outstanding!

Laughs that need to be explained –

  • hugging the tiled walls in the bathroom
  • if…..I’d be a happy woman!
  • Elaine…have you worked on a float before?
  • I will pay you $$ to drive me back to the hotel – please let us in your car!
  • If I was 20 years younger I would carry you – Paul, if I was 20 pounds lighter you may have been able to!
  • A shrimp falling into my plate! Nice shot!
  • Here taste! OOH that’s good!
  • anybody have a pen – no a black pen! Hey thanks Alex!
  • what’s with the full length mirrors everywhere?!
  • take some Mexicans in your luggage on the way there – ok not politically correct but still funny!
  • you’re going with them on the honeymoon? “don’t go knocking on their door!”
  • What was going on with that picture at the end of the evening? Gene looked ferocious! It definitely looked like something from the Sopranos!

What a night – now look at the comments – and there better be comments! for additional information I missed. Also Kat, Alex and Mike need to fill us in on the after-party activities – like when did that shuttle come pick you guys up! Also, if Ant can tell us the last line of his speech we would all appreciate it!

Salute!

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9 Responses to “And for the very first time ever I’d like to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. —-!”

  1. yourattentionplease Says:

    What a day! I am getting married in a little over 40 days….That “I present to you Mr. and Mrs…..” line is still a bit surreal to me

  2. Elaine Says:

    Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals! My eyes always well up when they announce that!
    I like your blog – it is interesting!
    So here you are cousins – another interesting site to read!

  3. Big A #1 Says:

    Ok here is the entire speech:

    Tom: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! On behalf of the bride and groom, we want to welcome you to this celebration.

    Ant: Especially to those who came from far away to be here today.

    Tom: I’m sure you’ll all agree that the lovely service this afternoon was quite a moving experience.

    Ant: Yea, even the wedding cake was in tiers!

    (Note: if no laughter, then say: See Uncle Joe, I told you that joke wouldn’t work! Well you folks might as well laugh anyway.

    Otherwise say: Thanks Uncle Joe, they actually liked your joke!)

    Tom: We are the best men, and for those of you who don’t know us I am Robert’s brother, Thomas

    Ant: Alonso Moseley, FBI! I’m Anthony, the serious brother of the group

    Tom: You know Anthony, You must be getting old. You were just starting High School when Robert was born.

    Ant: Yea, now that he’s married, I’m gettting AARP membership letters and I’m only 43!

    Tom: You know, our sister Emma and our brother in law Gene hold the record for getting married, it took 13 years before they tied the knot.

    Ant: You and Veronica took 10 years

    Tom: And now Robert and Jen at 8 years.

    Ant: So I’ll break tradition, dial a bride will be here in 30 minutes.

    Tom: It’s been said that marriage is like a violin.

    Ant: Yea, After the music is over, you still have the strings.

    Tom: Marriage is an institution

    Ant: But who wants to live in one?

    Tom: Jennifer asked her father how much does it cost to get married?

    Ant: Harry replied: I don’t know, I’m still paying!

    Tom: My advise to you Robert and Jennifer is if you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep!

    Ant: Just remember Robert and Jennifer: the 2 secrets to a long lasting and happy marriage are: a good sense of humor and a short memory.

    Tom: Remember – the honeymoon is the vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss.

    Tom: Jennifer, please place your hand on the table in front of you. Now Robert, put your hand on top of Jennifer’s.

    Ant: Now Everybody in the room will see the last time Robert has the upper hand!

    Tom: Always remember these three things: Never Lie, Cheat or Drink.

    Ant: But if you must Lie, lie in each other’s arms.

    Tom: If you must cheat, cheat death.

    Ant: And if you must drink, then drink with us because we love you.

    Tom and Ant: So, please join me in wishing Robert and Jennifer the best of luck and may your lives be filled with the same joy and happiness you feel today.

    SALUTE!

    As for the hats: After Grandma Anna passed away, Aunt’s L and F cleaned up her room and Aunt L found the hats. She though I would appreciate them and terefore gave them to me. They belonged to Grandpa Antonio. I was inspired to use them for the speech the day of the wedding! I thought it was a stroke of genius! I really hope someone other than the videographer recorded us as I would like to see it! Anyway, much of the speech was gleened from the internet and I also tweaked a few of the jokes. The only joke that didn’t seem to work was the institution joke but hey, no ones perfect.

  4. Big A #1 Says:

    By the way, I helped pick a few of the pictures, especially the one with Rob and Kat, I love that pic!
    They are so cute! What happened to them now? JUST KIDDING!!!!!!

  5. Big A #1 Says:

    By the way, the last picture at the end was intended to be a wise guy one. Robert wanted it so he can hang it on the wall in his new home. After seeing the guys pose for it, would you wanna mess with us?

  6. Elaine Says:

    “Robert wanted it so he can hang it on the wall in his new home.”

    And what does Jenn say about this!?
    I couldn’t see the poses really, all I saw was Gene making a face and saying some curses and I never saw him look that mean! It was frightening. I soon realized it was a “hoax” picture but at first I thought Gene may have had a bit too much to drink and was getting annoyed with the photographer!

  7. Elaine Says:

    Table #6 was laughing at ALL YOUR JOKES including the institution. But to be honest, not until I saw it in writing did I get the cake was in ‘tiers’ joke. It could have had something to do with the 10 martinis I had prior to your toast!

    You both did a great job – I especially loved the lie, cheat and drink quote – although I totally botched it up in the main post – leave it to me to think it had something to do with eating!

  8. Big A #1 Says:

    Elaine,
    Thanks for the compliments! The “tiers” joke reminded me of your dad and his humor so I figured I’d add it in. The lie, cheat, and drink quote was a personal favorite of mine and thought it was good here as many figured it was going to be something funny, not serious.

    As for the pic, who cares what she thinks! She’ll like it or else!
    Just kidding Jenn – I love my new sister-in-law!

  9. EG #2 Says:

    I just want to correct something. Gene and I met in Dec. of 89. and we married in Sept. of 2001. So in our book it really took us ten years to get together. We dated steady for a year and then got married one year later so in reality it took 11 years for us to get married.


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