I was cleaning out my Spam – all 153 of them and I came across these messages. They have NOTHING to do with my post and they naturally have links to their site which sells items that I am not interested in. But I thought some were cute, so I thought I would share. If you are one of these contributors, though, please stop!
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
New Years Resolutions
2003: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2004: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2005: I will read 5 books a year.
2006: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2007: I will try and finish the comics section this year.
2003: I will get my weight down below 170.
2004: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 200.
2005: I will follow my new diet until I get below 220.
2006: I will work out once a week.
2007: I will drive past a gym at least once a week.
2003: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2004: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2005: I will be totally out of debt by next year.
2006: I will try to pay off the debt interest by next year.
2007: I will try to be out of the country by next year.
Names On The Wall
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names …and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”
“Good morning,” replied the young man — still focused on the plaque.
“What is this?” Alex asked.
“Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.
“Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex’s voice was trembling .. and barely audible … when he asked, “Which service? … the 8:30 …. or the 11:00?”